


Satanic Refrains and Love Hurricanes

by PlatonicConspiracy



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anti-Love, Bipolar Disorder, Classical Music, Drug Abuse, F/M, Fuckbuddies, Has Some Dark Themes, Light-Hearted, M/M, Minor Character Death, Philosophy, Piano, Slow Romance, Smut, alternative universe, pessimism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-08-16 01:48:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8081902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlatonicConspiracy/pseuds/PlatonicConspiracy
Summary: Louis has just a few questions: What is love, why is he so horrible at playing the piano and why is Harry Styles constantly popping up in his dull life?Or where Louis is a pianist and student on the Wagner University in Leipzig, who for some reason can't get through any competitions nor gets invited to do recitals, unlike his best friend Niall Horan. When Niall takes him to Paris, Louis might notice that as sure as guns, something's in the air.





	1. Pessimism and Eroticism

**Author's Note:**

> So, before you read this chapter I want to thank one of my friends on twitter, @argelialwt for beta reading this for me. Besides that, I first want to be clear about some things before you read this book;
> 
> 1\. This book is going to be very SLOW, so if you're not into that kind of content you better stay away because some parts can be considered boring because it has heavy dialogue and isn't very smashing action wise.  
> 2\. This book will be quote "light-hearted", however with this I mean that it will make fun of some very serious issues, but it does have it's darkness in there but don't worry no ones going to die, get abused or anything like that. It's more heavy with feelings and emotions and not so much with actions, keep that in mind.  
> 3\. Wagner University does not exist, most of it is fictional and also need to mention that the ages of characters are very mixed. Par example, Harry's older than Louis and Liam is younger than Niall. It'll be clear later on.  
> 4\. For everyone who is interested in the music that's being played, I'll keep a playlist that you can check out with the music mentioned in the chapter. I do this mainly because it gives more of the experience and especially with a theme like classical music it's very important.

Brushing off the dust that swarmed on the iron exterior of the mailbox, the lights in Louis’ teal blue eyes gleamed in all cheerfulness, hoping to find out about one very important letter that was written directly towards him. Brushing the paper envelopes, strangely every single letter was intended for other people in their household.

“Niall Horan.” One letter said, coming from his university who liked to bring the old good times back with using a font resembling the way priests in the middle ages used to write, or simply imitating the lay-out of classy invitations that were a huge thing back in the baroque period.

Always Niall, always he was the one getting letters from his university. The blonde, Irish lad didn’t come to Germany for nothing, only so he could study the beauty of classical music in the country who was known for some of the best and most appreciated composers in history.

Louis was there for the exact same reason, yet Niall was the one getting invitations for recitals and competitions and Louis never even got one.

Maybe it was for the reason that Niall was one of the most booked and appreciated pianists in the decade and played Chopin’s **Winter Wind** like it was _Mary had a little lamb_. Niall had seen it all. From big stages, to very sophisticated yet beautiful scenery, and always had been applauded and thanked. Yes, Louis had been dealing with him for as long as he knew. As someone from English and Belgium origins, his dull life got even more depressing after the blonde lad decided to join him in middle school.

Louis self-confidence went from a five to a zero in just a few weeks being clingy with Niall.

Louis had always been the biggest fan of classical music; his biggest inspiration was Liszt, and as a close runner up he was also a huge fan of Tschaikovsky’s ballets and Chopin’s mesmerizing ballads. Because he played piano at the age of five, it was most likely for him to eventually go to Leipzig and study there. Unfortunately, his dreams kind of sunk when he discovered that compared to all the people who played piano, he wasn’t anything special and he had some very major flaws that really turned people off, mainly the fact that his playing was rough and his hands smaller so he wasn’t able to reach more than one octave.

And well.. Meeting a pianist who was potentially going to be one hell of a legend, wasn’t very motivating. It was basically rubbed in his face that he was never, ever going to be anything special and that he should just give up on his dreams, when compared to this jerk.

But Niall was still the only one who believed in him, he was the one who told him to go to Leipzig with him and told him that if he worked hard for it, he could have potential to be something. It was a huge shock when Louis found out he’d passed and the people indeed saw some minor potential in him. Sure, minor was exactly the right adjective to describe the situation, but minor was better than nothing.

And while Niall was here doing all kinds of recitals, competitions and more, Louis was just counting his days and practicing with his piano teacher, playing multiple songs every day and repeatedly hearing the “pay attention to your fingerings and the tempo”. He barely felt like he was improving, his teacher always told him the same things over and over again.

“You’re not looking at the dynamics” or “Don’t forcefully press the keys, it sounds rough”

Meanwhile Niall didn’t even practice yet played like Beethoven in the 21th century. Louis hated it, the fact that Niall could do things so perfectly while being half-arsed about it. Fucking skank, but he still loved him no matter what. Maybe because he was not a decently nice person, he wasn’t your average bland main character who was just genuinely good in everything. Niall would’ve made a perfect protagonist, maybe not as relatable, but perfect at best. Louis was very flawed with everything he did, and was happy that at least one person didn’t see him as a failed human being.

As Louis turned back to reality again, he knocked on the door with the envelopes in his hands and wearing a black trench coat that almost covered his knees entirely. After knocking for almost twenty minutes, an annoyed sigh left his mouth and Louis changed his mind on his actions; maybe for one day using the keys was an option, considering nobody was home or they were too lazy to open the door anyways.

Louis lived in this huge flat with multiple people, you could call it a dorm. The difference was, that the dorm was only for music students on the Wagner University, and it was kind of small compared to other dorms that were close by.

Louis only lived there with Niall, an Asian - Louis guessed he was Chinese, but could’ve been Japanese either ways - bloke, a french twins who they didn’t see very often, an actual German girl who couldn’t understand any English at all and an American girl named Danielle who kind of was Louis’ whore for a few days until Louis realized he didn’t swing that way at all.

After all, the positive thing Louis could say about himself was that he had a pretty face and one night stands were very easy for him. However, due to his horrible personality, people couldn’t stand him longer than a few days that’s why his relationships weren’t even relationships to begin with.

Louis was a mess of a person, but hey, at least he was aware of it.

Entering the dorm, Louis couldn’t hear any piano noises, so with that fact he could make up that probably the dorm was empty and the others were still in school or hanging out somewhere and didn’t want to invite him over.

“Fucking skanks.” Louis hissed as he threw his bag on the ground, throwing all of the letters on the stairs and deciding to sit down on the second step.

He really didn’t want to practice on his new **Bach Fantasia** , his teacher kept telling him how he should just practice it more but a freaking month passed by, and there was still no development. That, meanwhile the piece wasn’t even that hard, compared to what Niall played so easily.

Besides that, Louis disliked Bach, he was way too repetitive for Louis’ taste. Though, if he finished it his teacher Rachenhoff promised him to give him the sheets for **Chopin’s Nocturne, opus 9 number 1**. Louis had always wanted to play one of the legend his nocturnes. They really were something else.

So, guess it was time to practice the bloody Fantasia after all. Wasn’t anything Louis looked forward to though. He grabbed his room key - because for some reason there were two keys needed to fucking enter his room - and opened the door, white walls blandly laughing at him as his shoes touched the black carpet on the floor. Mozzarella - his old bulldozer of a cat - yawned at him like he was the most boring person on the planet, but still afterwards leaning against his leg, what a two timer.

“I got some food for you, don’t worry.” Louis whispered, shaking the plastic bag he brought with him from the convenience store. Mozzarella sat down gallantly, his eyes begging for food. Louis laughed softly and filled his food bowl. As Mozzarella was enjoying the meal he’d been waiting for all day, Louis just sat down on the couch with a melancholy filled aura and tired eyes.

When Louis felt depressed, he turned out to be horny. So he could do two things tonight; or going out and trying to find someone who was potentially a great one night stand, or just lay in bed and jerk off to gay porn. Louis would’ve loved to really take action, but the day already destroyed him so he was too lazy to leave the house.

Guess masturbating was the only option then.

It was quite the definition of tragic; a twenty one year old university student with almost no friends who spend his days with his cat and jerking off to wet men. He couldn’t be anything more stereotypical.

More tragic was that he still had not even touched the piano and Rachenhoff expected him to play it almost flawlessly at the end of the week, not. Louis pulled himself together with all the energy in his body and walked towards the piano. They could’ve at least given him a big piano, but instead he got just a small upright Yamaha. Yamaha, such an overrated piano brand. Well.. Louis couldn’t expect them to give him a fucking huge concert Steinway, there was not enough room for that and that probably meant that their budget was beyond.

Yamaha was alright for the room's price.

As Louis struck the first chords, one of his fingers slipped from the C to the D and Louis got very pissed already. Even the fucking first bar was already too difficult for him.

“Fucking piano.” Louis swore as he droned on the keys, flat signs covering the sheets that made him even more anxious.

“I see you’re enjoying yourself.” Danielle said, standing in the doorway as she watched Louis suffer.

“If you want to fuck, I’m horny so come and ride me.” Louis said cranky, droning even more with his pedal still pressed down so that it almost sounded like some sort of satanic ballad.

Danielle cringed. “I don’t know what you’re up to, but you look like shit.”

“And you look like you’ve not had it in a while. Are you scared to fuck the homo?” Louis replied, still in the same cranky voice with the same devilish mixture of Bach’s Fantasia and own inputs.

“So now, serious talk, what the hell are you in fact doing?” Danielle asked, mockingly.

Louis sighed and turned his face. “Trying to practice this gay piece of shit but for some reason it’s just not my composition. Bach isn’t my favorite, and so is his music.”

“That’s the argument you use every time you get new sheets and new compositions to play.” Danielle said skeptical, her hand running through her brown locks as she walked towards the piano. “Luckily enough, I’ve already finished this piece. It’s so easy, I don’t know why you’re struggling with it.”

“Bitch.” Louis simply implied and closed the piano. “Now excuse me and leave my room if you’re up for anything but sex.”

“Some people aren’t as immature as you, Louis.” Was all what Danielle said, after that she turned around to leave his room. “Motivation makes the piece, remember that.”

Louis sniffed sarcastically and rolled his eyes afterwards. Motivation, his arse. It didn’t matter how much motivation Louis had, in the end he kept fucking it up and people kept being disappointed in him. He was one hell of a disappointment, that for sure.

As Louis wanted to start playing from the second bar this time, other distracting piano noises from next door bothered him and his earshot. He paused for a second, scrunching his nose out of irritation and continued. Still, every time he reached another bar, the annoying Beethoven sonata rumbled through it, so Louis had to pause again and again to roll with his eyes and out the frustration on the lower keys.

It could be Danielle, just trying to annoy Louis since he’d been the one who harshly dumped her arse a few months ago, but Louis knew Danielle was an untalented freak and although she acted like a queen, she was nothing more than just above average.

Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata, especially the third movement, wasn’t something on Danielle’s level, most likely to be one of the pieces Niall was practicing for whatever recital he was going to do very soon. She didn’t know how to portray emotions in her music, the only thing that made her slightly better than Louis was that she had better techniques, that was all.

Fucking Horan.

Louis didn’t bother to stand up, wipe off his black ripped and holed jeans and walk the stairs - all his precious energy wasted for nothing - to knock on Niall’s door and tell him to be silent for just longer than a minute.

“Niall!” Louis knocked on his door, furrowing his eyebrows. “Keep it down a bit, I’m trying to practice Fant- _arse-_ ia.”

Immediately the loud piano music stopped and just seconds later a dorky, obviously _up-to-something,_ blonde haired lad faced him directly from the doorway, two different blue eyes connecting.

“I wanna hear it.” Niall said strictly, almost like he forced Louis to do it. When Louis frowned and wanted to open his loud mouth, Niall was the first to roughly interrupt him. “No, in fact; I force you to play it for me right now.”

“I don’t have any sheets right now.” Louis murmured under his breath, obviously feeling pressed by Niall and his so beaten behavior. Niall was the one now who reluctantly furrowed his eyebrows, Louis could tell Niall didn’t believe him at all, not even in the slightest. He was just trying to escape.

“Fantasia by Bach, in C? I have all of them in sheet here, give me a second.” Louis was never more disappointed in the fact that Niall was a disgusting collector of sheet music. If anything could be smelled from miles away, it was the smell of old and wet paper with another strong scent of oil. Didn’t please Louis' nose in the slightest.

Louis let himself in and stretched, his eyes gazing around as he turned to see how Niall’s apartment looked like. It wasn’t like it was his first time inside, but he was just shocked how clean and organized his house was compared to house à la Louis. No tears in the wallpapers, no spots of spilled coffee or tea on the carpet.

Zero dirty dishes in the sink, how on earth did Niall manage to do that?

Louis stumbled quite thoughtful yet irritated through the apartment, white walls acknowledging his existence and irritatingly yawning at him like he was some kind of joke. In fact, the whole conspiracy around _“white walls give a calm aura”_ was one hell of a fable because it only made Louis more anxious and uncomfortable. The queer he was, his apartment was all colors imaginable and even thought it was over the top it didn’t bother him quite as much as concrete, blankly white walls.

Louis was happy though Niall took so long to find the sheet music for Bach’s yawning, boring compositions. So for once, the white walls weren’t the worse in theory.

As he sat down on the leather chair, the white envelopes on the side table caught his eye. Carelessly, he snatched them from the table and opened the first one he saw. It was opened already, so Niall had at least looked through his mail, but probably still wasn’t shocking for him to receive so many letters in one week. Not like it came as a huge surprise, but the first thing he already read was a..

..fucking invitation to Paris for a Mozart recital.

Louis frowned irritated, why didn’t he get like.. Such an invitation? He played the piano for 15 years, Niall for 10 yet for some questionable reasons he was way better than him and got all the attention. Louis couldn’t even get through the first rounds when there were competitions in his school. Hell.. He’d never do recitals in this weak state.

“Here I have it!” Niall cooed as he proudly showed the collections of paperwork that he admired and Louis wanted to officially kill himself.

“I don’t want to, please Niall.” Louis whined, leaning backwards in the chair as a sign of ultimate laziness. “Bach sucks.”

“Hey,” Niall said pendantly. “Don’t underestimate Bach, the legend, his musical scores. I bet on my mother’s death bed you can’t top his writing skills.”

“Are you mocking on me?” Louis said quietly, but with a bitter undertone filled with witty cynicism.

Niall shook his head, his smile roughly making his expression more readable than before. He was an unpredictable Irish bloke who was hardly anything to consider easy. “I might be, your task to find out.”

“Okay, but before I play,” Louis’ finger fluently pointing at the roughly structured, white envelope. “Why the hell did you get another one of these?”

Niall cocked his head, scratching it afterwards, his expression being flat and unlike Louis would’ve been if he even had the chance of receiving one of these, just oblivious and totally not blown away by it.

“Because they like me?”

Louis motioned something slightly frustrated with his hands. “Boy, if I’d ever received one of these I’d fangirl the fuck out, and you’re just chilling like ‘oh well.. that happens to me every day, _lol_ ’ please discharge your contract as a human being.”

“It’s just a recital.” Niall off nonchalant, waving at Louis like he was not only figuratively but also literally brushing it off.

“Fuck, give me an invitation next time.” Louis said upset.

Niall grabbed the envelope smoothly out of Louis’ small, slightly slender hands and heedlessly opened it. The still curly yet curvy letters being the perfect decoration on the somewhat boring and blank background and style of the paper. His fingers following the sentences till he hitched just a little bit and stopped.

“Look, you can live the experience because it says I can take a maximum of three other people with me to France.” Niall cooed.

“Oh, and you oddly find out about this, exactly at the time I am around? What a pleasant surprise.” Louis stated cynically - maybe that was the only tone he could talk in after all - afterwards rolling his eyes even more sardonic.

“Nope, I actually knew this before but I thought it was a nice build up to it.” Niall grinned, throwing the paper away and biting the inside of the left corner of his mouth. “How about you join me in Paris? I probably make Lacey tag along because.. City of louvre, mon amies.”

“One, the last sentence was super gay. Second of all, I am not tagging along just to be a third wheel with you two and face the fact that you’re better than me in literally anything, so no thanks I am fine.” Louis crossed his arms. “However I might consider going if you find me some rich, handsome man I can hang around all day and night.”

“Oh, I’ll find someone for you.” Niall said with a straight and serious face, that maybe came pretty much out of nowhere and unexpected. “If you at least come with me.”

“It almost sounds like you want me there because you love me and Lacey is going to be some cover up for our gay relationship.” Louis paused. “Or am I reading too much fanfiction?”

“Louis, to answer that; yes.”

“I don’t know which question you answered now.” Louis said grossed out, Niall just grinned and snitched his fingers.

“I’ll find you a man, don’t worry. This is going to be te most romantic week in your entire life.”

“Maybe because I never had anything romantic in my life so even this borderline “adventure” can beat all the other horrible experiences in my life?”

“You can come if you stop being so cynical about 99% of life’s qualities.” Niall winked at him, after that teasingly hitting him with the envelope. “Now play Bach like you’ve never done before or I’ll make you play it.”

He and Niall were friends, but they definitely could be a odd duo sometimes.

*~*

Lacey was basically the exact definition of beautiful.

Not hot, not pretty or cute, she was something exceptional, something that Louis couldn’t top no matter how hard he tried. She had these extraordinary, hazel eyes that matched perfectly with her light freckles, the ones being circulated around her cheeks and even under her chin. She had a short but elegant bob, dyed in a very light blonde color that was almost equal to a deep silver color.

Damn, Louis was glad he was gay for the first time in his life. He would’ve totally been fed up by the idea that someone like her was dating his best friend. Unfortunately it didn’t matter now, but still, that didn’t take away the fact that even Louis could consider her to be beautiful.

The thing that he didn’t get though, was the fact that out of all the people in the world, she choose Niall Horan, the fucking baby-faced arm farting, lazy but backstabbing, chest hairy, immature and oblivious Irish joke. She could’ve gotten anyone in the world, yet she chooses that man who smells like dead fish when he’s asleep with his mouth open.

That was what Louis didn’t understand about love, some people made such weird choices and when they got asked about it, they just ignorantly - in Louis’ opinion - said: “Love doesn’t need a reason.”

What the hell was that kind of argument? They were just trying to fight shy of the question. But it could be that Louis was just bland with love himself, love was such a word that had no clear definition and for Louis something like love didn’t even exist. You could be close to someone or like a certain person, but everything was always temporarily and would go away eventually. No matter how you looked at it, love would always die out when people got sick of it. What at first might seemed fresh and exciting, slowly started becoming repetitive and boring. Louis didn’t believe that there were people out there who could genuinely be connected to someone for their whole lives, it was just impossible.

Love was something that didn’t exist. Attraction and lust were words to describe those feelings, but love wasn’t. Love was simply impossible.

It was always just a sappy promise that was made between dense pairs of people, the idea of marriage was more of a stupid promise that was broken very quickly after even being written down on paper. No wonder Louis’ parents marriage lasted just a year. After they started living together, being stuck up with each other in a house twenty-four seven with a whiny infant, the disappointment probably kicked in.

How longer people spend time together, how bigger the disappointment grows within them. Disappointing in how their partners might actually not be as loyal, caring and perfect as they thought they’d be. Till the point that being around each other made people their hatred only escalate to an undeniable rage.

Sex probably became less and less exciting, as over the time every body part would’ve been discovered and sex would just be not the same anymore. No wonder that second love was a thing, people were lusty and want new adventures, and however you looked at it, cheating was extremely exciting. Most of the people who were actually two-timing, didn’t even care about their partner’s feelings, humans were cruel to say at least so dwelling upon the fact that it might hurt people their feelings wasn’t even to be considerable.

That’s why Louis only did sex, he didn’t do relationships because he knew he would get tired of it, or eventually getting cheated on himself.

He didn’t want to be in the same scenario his parents were in when he was younger, he’d experienced it with his own eyes and he didn’t want anyone else to get through the same thing.

Sex was just something humanly, and it was no crime to just fuck someone once in awhile. Louis just wanted to make sure the people he was wooing knew that it was just once or for a couple of weeks, no feelings or whatsoever attached to it. Louis was - as stated - not a decent human being, but he was decent enough to not break people their hearts. Or, at least he tried. Though, after he came out he’d not had it in a while.

In fact, he never fucked someone from the same sex.

Of course, over the past couple of months his porn switched from regular to gay porn, so he knew how it worked, but other than that he had zero experience.

Louis looked on his watch, when you make it clear that you’d meet up around eight and of course the blonde had to take a while to get at the train station. Leaning towards a brick wall, inhaling and exhaling the same oxygen time and time again, Louis’ eyes tensely facing the screen of his mobile phone. Lacey drinking a bottle of water next to him, sitting on a bench.

“Niall and late, could’ve expected it.” Lacey said jejunely.

Louis nodded and grabbed his lighter. Nonchalantly lighted his fag, inhaled deeply, sourly tasting the nicotine. Clouds of smoke appeared in the quiet train station early in the morning, almost giving it a slight melancholic feeling.

Lacey looked down at the ground, her legs lively seesawing and her expression changing from pure boredom to slight confusion. “Since when do you smoke?”

Louis exhaled, the puff of smoke spreading like a thunder cloud. “Since always, I just don’t do it very openly.”

“Do you want cancer or a periodontal disease or something?” Lacey whined, grabbing the cigarette and throwing the fag on the ground, the smoke still leaving the butt.

“If God thinks that is what I deserve, then I just let it happen.” Louis said cynical, rubbing his eyes out of fatigue. Lacey stared at him, still with the slight confusion fiercely showed in her eyes. Maybe because he mainly knew him as that one friend of Niall who just sometimes happened to show up at his apartment at random times.

They didn’t have deeper conversations than talking about Niall, in all honesty.

And there was Niall, suddenly popping out of nowhere with his obviously ugly and way too hipster trolley. It sure didn’t look like he’d taken so long just to do his hair well and style his outfit, the definition sloppy was a huge understatement when talking about his looks.

Being the over-enthusiastic goofball he was, he happily ran with his suitcase behind him quickly towards him and Lacey. Behind him, a boy who looked kind of unworldly around him almost like the place he was in was some sort of Sci-Fi setting that had yet to be discovered. His green eyes almost immediately after Louis discovered his existence, meeting his teal blue seas.

This boy.

Emerald green eyes, hidden behind his glasses, slightly sunkissed skin color, his short, softly colored brown hair litterly quiffed back. He was noticeably taller than him, around five eleven, and wearing a short sleeved white polo with black jeans underneath it. Not exactly skinny, like Louis wore everyday, but more like a fitting type of jeans.

Nope, he wasn’t his type. Not at all.

After Niall being all over Lacey, kissing her on her lips and greeting her, he went to Louis - he was definitely coming second like always - grabbing the other boy's arm and pushing him forward. “Look, I brought you someone. Meet my pansexual friend, Harry.”

“Uhh..” Louis murmured under his breath, the other brunette staring at him. “Can I speak to you for a second, four eyes, Niall?”

Niall’s joy immediately escalated in pure confusement, but he just nodded and told everyone to give the two of them a minute. Louis grabbed Niall’s wrist and dragged him to somewhere away from Lacey and Harry.

“Why did you bring this boy with you?” Louis hissed under his breath, not exactly full of hatred but more on a desperate tone.

“He’s the only person I know who also likes.. You know.” Niall hissed back. “But what’s the problem? You haven’t even talked to him.”

“He’s too decent, too well-behaved. Like, he dresses like someone who takes you out on a picnick and feeds you fruits on the first date. That’s the problem, I don’t want relationship material Niall, I want a sex buddy for a week who is hot,” Louis paused, and glanced rapidly at Harry. “and he looks like someone who is genuinely searching for a nice and bubbly relationship with someone who is like as decent as he is.”

Niall rolled his eyes annoyed. “As I said, you haven’t even like.. met him properly.”

“Come on, even blind people can see he is no match for me. Hey, I might be a dick most of the time but I don’t want to hurt good people their feelings. I am not that low.”

“I don’t get-”

“Oblivious thing, look.. We don’t match, and you know that damn well. I mean look at him staring at us, he knows were talking about him but he still gives me like a nice smile he’s way too good for me.” Louis whispered, cocking his head. “Come on, how am I going to handle this? I’m not sharing a room with him, aren’t I?”

“You are.” Niall replied, and Louis got even more anxious.

“How am I going to handle that?” Louis freaked out, grabbing Niall’s shoulders and shake him up. “I’m a man, I can’t handle my hormones when I lie next to someone with the gender I am attracted to. Hell, even though he’s not my taste I’ll end up masturbating about him eventually, I am horny as fuck these days.”

“Louis, calm the fuck down and please lower your voice because this conversation is getting hella awkward.”

“As I said I am not a bad human being Niall, but I have needs and it’s hard to keep my dick in my-”

“Stop Louis!” Niall shouted frustrated as he pushed Louis, his mobile phone falling out of his pocket as he got pushed and clattered on the ground. “We’re not having this conversation. You deal with it, it’s not my problem, don’t be a bitch about it and be thankful for once.”

Louis looked at the ground, clenching his fists. Maybe Niall was right, but it still bothered Louis nonetheless. Niall was the only person who really knew him well, yet he put him in a situation that he in fact knew was hard for him. But, it was Louis job to keep himself together and figure it all out.

Louis and Niall walked back, and immediately Niall’s annoyed face changed back to his normal, goofy one. He put his arm around Lacey and looked down at his watch. Louis just stood there, having this weird feeling in his stomach that drove him crazy. He could feel eyes burn in his skin, and it kind of made him uncomfortable.

“Uhmm..” He heard him say, surprisingly with a pretty hoarse and low voice. Harry coughed, cleared his throat and continued: “Hi.”

“Sorry about that, Louis.” Louis said softly, almost impossible to hear. He didn’t turn though, he just looked straight ahead almost like he didn’t even know Harry was there.

Maybe if Louis was just a douche, Harry wouldn’t be interested in being with him anyways and the problem was solved. Sure, Louis wasn’t going to be treating him like garbage, but maybe if he just showed him he was not a good person he wouldn’t fall for him anyways.

Louis knew he had a pretty face and people got easily tricked by that, but maybe this boy was in fact someone who cared about personality rather than looks. He was pansexual, so that wasn’t doubtful.

Just being himself probably would turn him off already. Because it wasn’t like Harry said anything to him after that.

The four of them just sat down, waiting for the next train to arrive. The train that would bring them to Paris, and that would undoubtedly be a long sit.

*~*

Niall had almost drowned back when he was in high school. He could swim, but one day when they were at the sea with a big group of people, Niall got unconscious because of the heat and fainted when he was trying to swim back to the seashore, in the middle of a race between him and his former classmate Ashton.

It wasn’t that much of a shock that it left Niall traumatized of beaches or piscines, or even the fact that there was no doubt in his mind that he would never take a bath. Water was a no go, even drinking made him almost throw up.

Niall definitely wasn’t fond of the fact that they’d accidentally stranded in Le Havre, simply because it was close at the beach and a perfect seaside resort. Niall was extremely lucky that beaches and Germany didn’t match that well, and even though France wasn’t the biggest competition with some other European places, it definitely had some seashores and it almost seemed ironic that out of all the places in the 500,000 square kilometers country, they were located in the one with coast.

It was all his fault after all, so guess he could blame karma for all of the trouble.

After Louis and Lacey both fell asleep during the train journey, Niall was the one who was hundred percent sure they didn’t have to change trains. Louis - the one who actually was in charge of the tickets - was not waked up and yeah, they basically forgot to change and stranded in Le Havre. The next train to Paris would go the next morning and it was too late to find other alternatives. So that all meant, that they needed to spend the night in Le Havre and continue the sit the next day. They were lucky though that Paris was pretty close to Le Havre - in comparison - but other than that it meant that Louis needed to spend some extra money on a hotel room and that didn’t make him happy in the slightest.

Why did he tag along again?

“Niall, come on, it’s not that bad.” Lacey had continually said after they’d checked in at a hotel. Niall had been anxious when he found out that it was extremely close to the sea and he could even smell the scent of salt water.

Louis gave no damns besides the fact that he’d put his money into a pretty expensive hotel room just because Niall was as stupid and stubborn as a rock and decide for things himself. Honestly, Louis’ entanglement in the fact that this boy was fucking skilled and genius on the piano, only grew.

“We’ll be in Paris tomorrow, there are no beaches there, don’t worry.” But still, Niall was nauseous and stayed in his room for probably 1 hour, until he got very hungry and was forced to go outside by his friends and by himself.

The hunger conquered everything.

And now, they were outside in the open air, trying to find a restaurant where they would serve nice food. Louis adored the food in France, it was probably his favorite cuisine out there, next to the Spanish one. He could be considered omnivorous, whatever it was he would eat it if it wasn’t dangerous or toxic for example.

Lacey and Harry however both “stated” to have allergies for lots and lots of food, so the options were limited and it really pissed Louis off, he was hungry and didn’t give a fuck about someone's allergies at the moment, the fact that they could get some nice food in nine out of the ten restaurants around the corner would be a reason for them to shut up and stop whining.

Just one day and Louis already found out that he and Harry had clashes in taste. Harry wanted to go to a Italian restaurant, but Louis found that to be ridiculous considering they were in Paris, France for God’s sake.

He didn’t say anything to him though, he was still on the point of trying to ignore him without really ignoring him. It was difficult to explain, but guess it worked kind of well. Harry was talking a lot to Niall, and Louis was for once happy that he wasn’t priority number one.

For an ordinary mild summer day, it was quite dark outside even when the clock hit seven. September was the end of delight, it was almost mournful in the city to go from restaurant to restaurant in the evening, the sky colored a darker shade of blue with some orange undertones, sundown in the sea, what was pretty noticeable from behind the clouds of dust and traditionally build French buildings and properties.

Voices around them almost whispering, bright lights of old-fashioned billboards and the smell of salt sea and freshly cooked fish that dominated the alleys of the city.

In all honesty, it was one of the first times for Louis visiting a city outside of his hometown or Leipzig. It almost felt like a family vacation, chilly and relaxing yet breathtakingly gorgeous to see other sides of Europe. He could not understand how Niall could even find these new experiences dull or repetitive, for Louis is was a whole new experience and he could not see himself growing tired of it.

As he looked around him with pleasant astonishment written on his face, he noticed how many places there where were he could get his dinner. Every corner of the street, maybe almost every building, was or a café or a restaurant where they served the traditional French kitchen. His mouth started watering, just thinking about the varieties of food he could get there.

Though decided, they ended up eating in a Italian restaurant anyways, what might kind of pissed Louis off considering he was already tasting the outstanding flavor of scallops. However, on his first day in Paris, he was eating Pizza Hawaii which made him just a little bit sad.

“Hey, are you not hungry?” He heard Harry say to him, on a calm tone as he found Louis’ head lean on his elbow, stirring through the jus d’orange - Louis didn’t want to get drunk on the first day - with his straw. Louis looked up, slightly glancing at Harry who sat across from him.

He shook his head, biting his lower lip as some sort of natural reaction to keep his mouth shut.

“Is everything alright? You look pale, I have paracetamol with me if you need one?” He said, obviously looking a little bit worried.

That was the problem, Harry was too nice. Louis wanted to bury his face into his sweater out of irritation - mostly directed towards himself - but he didn’t because it would spread confusion. He’d flatly ignored him the whole day yet he wanted to help him. Nice guys always finished last, it was a fact, not even subjective at all.

“It’s just that I can’t take that much pizza all in once.” Louis said, looking through the thin and transparent glass. “And,” he paused for a second. “Maybe because I really hoped I could taste some of the great French kitchen inspired food here but.. We’re stuck in a Italian for god’s sake.”

“Oh yeah, I’m so sorry.” Don’t say sorry, please. “I am just allergic for lots of spices they use here and I am not that fond of fish dishes.” Harry took the bottle of water, poured it in his glass till it was that full you couldn’t even realize there was liquid in it at all.

Louis cocked his head, looking at the pizza one last time before making a essential decision. He shove his plate forward, looking down at his hands so he didn’t have to make eye contact. Whatever excuse he used, he couldn’t lie about the fact that he did have a strong sexual attraction towards emerald or hazel green eyes.

“You can have it.” Louis murmured. “If you want it.”

Harry blinked twice and nodded, took the pizza of the plate and smiled nicely. “Thanks, but if you get hungry you can still take it back.”

And eat pizza with you from one plate like a couple? No thanks. Louis bit on the insides of his cheeks, feeling Niall’s hand on his leg and his bright blue eyes bore holes in his face.

Louis maybe didn’t want to admit it, but he kind of was homesick after all.

After they’d eaten their dinner at the Italian, Lacey came up with the brilliant idea to walk around the seashore in the dark moonlight, especially since lots of people were hanging there and they’d lighted up the beach with multiple lanterns. Louis could say that it was very cold on the beach, or no.. Maybe cold wasn’t the best word to describe it, it was more breezy and chilly. That was why he’d taken his hoodie with him, his hands in his kangaroo pocket, his hood over his head. He and Harry walking behind each other, Lacey and Niall somewhere in the middle, with reluctance though.

“Lacey, what the hell are you for a person. You take me to here, it’s fucking dangerous.” Niall complained, his arms around Lacey but not in a romantic way at all, more like he was hiding behind her like he was holding a shield.

Harry grinned about it, but Louis stayed straight faced. Sure, it was nice around here but for some reason Louis felt pressured, very pressured to smoke, and he mostly did that when he didn’t feel comfortable or was slightly annoyed, depressed, whatever. It could be the homesickness, because he wasn’t in a familiar place, but it could also be the fact that this was the thing he always wanted, yet for some reason he never got invited to go on such a nice trip, to get invited for something like this. He was probably the only one in the household who had never played in competitions, and he sure was the only one who was never invited to play somewhere abroad or whatever. Even Danielle had done it before, fucking Danielle who was mediocre at best. And yet, he never got even asked about it.

Was he forgotten, or was he really that bad? Did he even deserve to be studying in Leiptzig, on such a critically aclaimed school?

The more as he thought about it, the more he drowned in the sorrow. He kind of forgot about his surroundings and stared ahead. Voices around him distorted to echoes, it all didn’t really matter anyways, even if the water came up to his feet.

“Are you sure you don’t want the aspirin?” Louis awakened from his deep daydreaming when he heard Harry’s low voice. He turned around, only facing Harry this time.

Louis eyes looked into different directions. “Wait, where did Lacey and Niall go?”

Harry widened his eyes, biting the corner of his lip. “Niall got water in his shoes, Lacey said we’d continue and they would catch up later. You seemed pretty much distant and living in your own small world so I made the decision to continue.”

“Water in your shoes and you disruptively stop.” Louis mocked, kicking the sand. “That seems very Niall-ish.”

“Yeah, huh.” Harry replied, awkwardly smiling and playing with his hands as the two walked the seashore. Louis looked down and delayed, a striking silence filling the warm air. It was almost like Harry wanted to say something, but decided to stay mute for different reasons.

Then, suddenly, he opened his mouth.

“Say, I kind of listened to what you said to Niall on the train station and-”

“Wait, what?!” Louis shouted confused. "You heard.. what?"

“And actually.. I am open for just sex if you want to.” Harry boldly brought it up, but it still knew how to make the redness in Louis’ cheeks increase, maybe because he so briefly mentioned it. “I mean.. you’re not my type at all and I haven’t had sex with.. well.. A man in a while.”

“Oh wow wow, calm down Romeo what the hell did you just say?” Louis confounded. “You just quote casually want to discuss sex here while we’re walking on the beach?”

“I mean now that we’re alone I thought I could make you feel less bad about the situation.” Harry ran with his hand through his hair. “I mean I thought it was honestly the reason why you were down so.. Problem solved?”

“This confuses me, wait..” Louis paused and crossed his arms. “You’re saying that you want to fuck me?”

“You bring it very harshly but.. I mean we can fuck for a week without any feelings attached to it and then just ignore each others existence for the rest of our lives. I’m not really the person you made me out to be, I’m fine with sex and only sex.”

Louis glanced, confusion filled his eyes. What a weird shift, but most of all, was her seriously implying that he.. wanted to just fuck him? This boy who wore buttoned up shirts, expensive and intelligent looking glasses, this boy who didn't even talk to him yet acted so concerned about his fucking feelings and health..

This boy didn't care about emotionless sex?

“Are you like.. sure?”

“Oh yeah, hundred percent sure.” Harry nodded approvingly and adjusted the walking tempo just a little bit, so that it was harder for Niall and Lacey to catch up. “No money, I do it for free.”

“But, why?”

“Same reasons as you. I’m a man and need to fullfill my desires, haven’t done it with a man in a while and yeah, I’m searching for a relationship but some emotionless sex in a while doesn’t hurt does it?”

“Well.. It does hurt.” Louis replied skeptically. “But like, you're too nice. It doesn’t fit. You and one night stands.”

“So you're saying people who have one night stands are all assholes. You’re making yourself out to be an asshole?”

“Well look, I am one so yeah you’re right I am saying that indeed.” Louis stopped, pulled his hood down and turned around. “But if you want to do it, I don’t mind. Though you better be good in bed and please don’t make things awkward because I hate that.”

“Your room or mine?” Harry motioned.

Louis coughed, pursing his lips.

“Definitely yours.”

*~*

“So, when you’re ready.” Harry said, twisting his arms as he closed the hotel room door behind him.

Louis walked towards him and gently pressed Harry up against the door, Harry just leaned backwards and closing his eyes as Louis tried to unzip his pants.

“Look, I don’t care whatever you do, but I have one rule.” Louis said, as he suddenly stopped and his fingers went from down under to Harry’s chin, tilting his head so he could directly look into Louis’ teal seas that were just like a wasted bottle of whisky, almost like all the excitement was sucked out of it and only the empty bottle remained.

Glazed.

Louis licked his lips, the scent of chopstick predominating the room. “Not on the lips, that’s private property.”

Harry nodded, grinning slightly as he cupped Louis’ cheeks tightly and bend over to reach Louis left ear, he pressed his slightly chapped lips softly on the naked skin behind Louis' ear. His hot breath left Louis with goosebumps, tingles in his stomach like he was in a roller coaster that was about to go down rapidly with an unbelievable speed.

By hearing the smooch sounds, Louis kind of tensed by the feeling and the sounds itself that he closed his eyes and let Harry switch roles with him by pretty roughly letting him get pressed against the wall, claiming him like a possession and marking his neck with hickeys, sucking hard on them what almost made Louis moan his name out of delectation, pleasance. But he could redeem himself and suck his delight in. It was called emotionless sex for a reason.

No attraction, or emotion, that was the rule.

Harry’s lips felt very roughly on his cold skin, yet they somehow left very warm marks that felt very tingly and sweet. However, the more Harry’s lips worked his way down to his spine, the rougher his hickeys were and the more Louis’ stomach twisted. Harry grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling it up over his head and afterwards tugging his brown, fluffy hair. Louis exhaled deeply, afterward gasping as Harry’s hands went over his naked back and his nails bite in his thin skin.

Louis opened his eyes, his breath still stuck in his throat and his heartbeat raising because of the heat and excitement. Louis’ hands running over Harry’s shirt and roughly tugging on it, Harry just smirked and removed his shirt, then leaning against Louis and grabbing his wrists, placing his hands on his bare torso. Louis gulped, his fingers sliding over his slightly toned chest that was covered with pretty tattoo’s, something that he’d not noticed before but definitely turned him on more than it should do.

For some reason, it was different for Louis to not be in charge, but he kind of liked it. Louis normally was pretty rough, fast and dominant, but this was different and he did need to get used to it.

“Why a butterfly?” Louis said under his breath as he touched the tattoo on his stomach, almost burying his face into it and wet it with his tongue, his hands around his hips as he could feel Harry’s clothed length pressed against his neck.

Harry gasped deeply, but answered. “Freedom, it’s just metaphorical.” He said while his hands traveled across Louis’ back.

“Aren’t all tattoo’s somewhat metaphorical?” Louis snorted as he placed his hands on his v-line and slowly pulled his pants down, Harry still audibly moaning as he cradled the skin around his length. Louis tried to be as sober as possible, but the fact that he was facing a pretty well sized dick instead of just seeing it on his computer screen kind of made his erection grow even though he didn't want it.

“What do you want, hand- or blowjob?” Louis tried to distract him as he tightened the skin around his cock and looked up to lock eyes with Harry. He didn’t seem in for a talk so Louis just decided to choose the option he would most likely enjoy the most.

Although to be honest, he had never really given anyone a blowjob so it was kind of unusual for him.

“Alright, alright.” It was a fact, Louis talked a lot during sex and normally that wasn’t much of a big deal. Thought when he’d sex before, he used to whisper dirty slangs in people their ears instead of asking deep and philosophical questions about someones tattoo’s. It was just the phrase emotionless that hold him back from doing it, after all that’s what they decided and besides that Harry would be the one to talk now.

With that being stuck in his mind, Louis just closed his eyes and placed his hands on Harry’s thighs, taking his cock and deepthroating it. Harry moved his hips, his length slamming into Louis’ face so that Louis was forced to go deeper. Louis’ wet lips surrounding Harry’s dick made him harder and harder, Louis could feel the size double in length, blood pouring through his veins.

“Louis.” Harry moaned, who - unlike Louis - wasn’t afraid to hold back and just let himself enjoy the pleasure. Louis paused for a moment, heavily breathing as he looked down at the ground.

Was he doing the right thing? Was this really how he wanted to lose his homo virginity? He remembered how his mother had always told him that these moment in life were exceptional, was it really worth losing it to something so meaningless?

Oh well, he also lost his real virginity to a one night stand, what was he whining about?

“Louis, please blow me.” Harry said hoarse, his eyes filled with pure lust and satisfaction, he again moved his hips and wiggled slightly, his dick vibrating and his balls moving with it. Louis now couldn’t deny he had a hard on, his erected penis was pressed against his fly that a visible bulge appeared. Louis hollowed his cheeks, sucking as hard as he could and slightly tasting the flavor of Harry’s cum.

“Please wrap your tongue around my dick, Louis.” He had a slight weakness for Harry calling out his name, with his low, hoarse and deep voice. He grabbed his head and tugged his hair, Moaning slightly as Louis wrapped his tongue around his dick and swallowed the cum.

“I want you to lick every inch of my hard, tasty dick till you can exactly remember how my cum tastes. I want you to swallow it until it’s the only flavor you can taste.” Harry whispered under his breath as his hands wildly tossed Louis’ hair, roughly combing it with his slender and huge hands.

Louis was so horny and hard, he felt like exploding and he tried very hard to hold him cum in. Sweat dripped across his forehead as he grabbed Harry’s arse tightly and harsh yet slowly massaged his butt cheeks, again swallowing the semen.

“You’re so hard Louis, I can feel your dick pressed against my leg. I want to wrap my hands around it and tug on it so hard till you scream my name while you cum.” Harry whispered again, his finger tilting up his head and their eyes connecting once again.

“You’re so cheesy.” Louis moaned, but still didn’t crawl back and let Harry roughly unzip his pants and place his hands around his dick. He yanked forcefully, making Louis cry out loud as he felt his dick hardening up.

“Sorry, I like dirty talk.” Harry said, pressing Louis further against the wall and accelerate the pace. A hard, hoarse moan escaped from his mouth, making his sore throat noticeably sorer. Louis exhaled deeply, panting like something was stuck in his throat - what was the truth, it was hard swallowing Harry’s cum - but he eventually again closed his eyes and just enjoyed the feeling of Harry jerking him off. He bit his lip, tasting the bitter flavor of his own blood. When he opened his eyes again, Harry’s emerald blue eyes looking at him, purely glazed.

He gave Louis a weak smirk, his hand moving up and down his length, Louis felt this pumping feeling and breathed heavily. Rubbing his slit with his thumb, Louis again couldn’t hold back. He felt his stomach twist and turn, his heartbeat rise and it left his body shaking, totally uncontrollable.

“I want your cum all over my face.” Harry again hissed in Louis’ neck, nibbling his ear afterwards and still massaging his balls.

“You’re a nasty one Styles,” Louis laughed while panting hard. “But dirty talk is the key to turn me on when you’re not my type.”

“And you talk to much.” Harry groaned with lusty eyes, being rougher with his hands and brisked up the pace, feeling Louis’ pumped length ready to cum. Louis leaned backwards, his hands gripping the carpet and his head leaning against the door. He inhaled deeply, and cried wolf as the cum escaped.

“Your cum makes me so horny, damn.” Harry groaned, licking the white sperm of his face and making Louis stand up, and guiding him to the double bed. He softly pushed Louis on it, afterwards crawling on him and again marking his spine. Louis could smell his own cum, when Harry’s hair came very close to his nose, he was almost as close that he could taste it.

“Wait a second, I need to get the lube,” Harry murmured as he suddenly stopped touching him and ran with his hand through his hair. “Are you sure you want this? You kind of look, nauseous.”

Louis spread his legs, lying on his stomach with his face down in the blankets, his arms on his back almost like he was handcuffed, but the position almost felt natural. He again closed his eyes, trying to inhale and exhale but it didn’t go as smoothly as he thought it would. He could that his respiratory rate was very questionable but he had to deal with it.

“Don’t give a damn about me, I might feel sick but that doesn’t take away the fact- Ahh.. fuck Harry can you warn me next time?” Louis shouted as he felt Harry’s dick inside of him. Harry tugged his hair, grabbing both of his hands and thrust him further. Harry started slow, even though he’d hold him so tightly it even felt like he was trying to be as gentle as possible, maybe he kind of considered thinking about the fact that Louis never had someone inside of him before, it was technically his first time.

Louis felt Harry grab his arse tightly, spreading his legs even more. He again moved inside, Louis started almost tearing up because it felt weird, it didn’t feel natural for him. The way Harry’s hands were squeezing his thighs, and just the fact that his hard dick was inside of his anus and it felt so unnatural.

His fingernails grabbed the blankets, again biting his lip as Harry slowly pulled back, followed up by another delighted moan that escaped from Louis mouth and afterwards he rubbed his dick against his hole, pushing it inside of him but this time rougher and faster.

He entwisted his and Louis fingers behind Louis’ back, he thrusted once more and feeling Louis’ hands squeezing his.

It hurt.

“Fuck, fucking hell.” Louis moaned boundless, as he continued squeezing yet tightened his arse, his length was pumping like hell. That women had this feeling when they were doing anal, it kind of made Louis sympathize with them just a little bit.

When Harry thrusted again, Louis’ buried his face into the pillow and squeezed Harry’s hands even harder, till he suddenly felt a weird, filling feeling, the feeling of Harry having an orgasm inside of him. He felt a satisfied feeling in his stomach, and he could finally exhale deeply without his breath shaking like crazy. Even Harry felt more relaxed after he had his orgasm, because instead of roughly pressing Louis’ hands together, he now just properly hold them behind his back and squeezed them only a little bit.

“Oh god, that was so weird.” Louis panted, slightly out of breath but a bit giggly nonetheless. “I don’t know if I can get used to feeling something inside of me, it’s so much sexier when I see it in porn.”

“How are you.. even..” Harry panted even harder, his head resting on Louis’ naked back. “Able to speak?”

Louis weakly laughed, still with short of breath. “I don’t know, honestly.” he said as he winced and switched positions, making himself lay down on the bed with his head facing the chandelier. “What I do know is that I can get used to the feeling of someone cumming inside of me.”

“Sure.” Harry answered abrupt, probably because he was exhausted and overall just tired of the whole experience. He lay down next to Louis in the exact same position, both trying to get their shit together again and decrease their respiratory rate.

“This was.. your first time.. being a bottom… wasn’t it?” Harry asked him, very unconnected but still clear.

“Actually never had sex with a man before, I’m just.. out of the closet.” Louis heart pounded in his chest. “So it’s.. weird.”

Harry nodded and bit his lip. Now, Louis could actually really take a minute and stare at Harry’s naked torso, that was wet from all the sperm and sweat. Louis turned his head away and decided to lie on his left side, grabbing the blankets and pulling them over his still perspiring body.

It wasn't time to appreciate beauty, that gave it slight emotional impact and that was the thing Louis wanted to ignore.

“Night, Harry.” He murmured, covering his face in his pillow as he let the words slip out of his mouth, looking at alarm clock next to him that said it was one at midnight.

"Night." He heard Harry whisper in his ear, what for some reason made him quite comfortable and relaxed. He closed his eyes, and dozed off almost immediately after. His dreams maybe even wilder than ever before.

\---

  **FIND THE MUSIC MENTIONED[HERE](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLVz0vFMwlWypLfMOCzDH6WxXQb_wBcRrx)**

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	2. Metastases

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their journey continues, as they finally arive at their final destination. But Louis doesn't feel well.. and especially is not looking forward to third-wheeling through the city of lamour with Niall and Lacey. Him and Harry stay home, in all the hope that they're not bonding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this chapter took a while; but like I said my chapters are quite long (and I want to keep them that way" and I've scrapped lots of things in the past months working on it. Still, hope you enjoy.

Wind blowing through the curtains, laundered white blankets smelling strongly, the odor of perfume slightly mixed with the scent of sweat. Still this sweet, flowery scent somehow aroused Louis’ nose, that strongly that he could almost taste it. Roses, spring flowers that bloomed in early springtime. That on another ordinary, mild day in September. It was just breezy, slightly clouded weather yet the hotel room was filled with pleasant cosiness.

Louis stretched his arms, slightly moaning as he felt one of his arms was pressured and almost felt bruised. He looked at his hands afterwards, they were thin and slender, his nails variating from long to bitten, it was a bad habit of him but he still couldn’t avoid doing it if he ever felt pressured to perform. At least the short nails didn’t have that much of dirt under their tips as his longer ones, maybe the only positive matter.

As Louis yawned, he suddenly noticed the soft echoing sound of a vibrating string, a note on a very high key with slight articulation, notes of the all so famous **Claire de lune** , with a slow crescendo at every 3 bars. Moonlight, probably one of the most ironic exact to the letter translations possible, since a beautiful bright moonlight on an early September morning could be considered ruled out. It sounded more like an early morning prelude, a great service of beautifully pitched cantabile, even though the original piece was played in more of a style closely related to andante.

Not to mention, the perfectly played con sordino through the whole piece, though Louis wasn’t an expert when it came to strings, even he could hear the gently sordined tone. Also, the ad libitum way of performance was handled with a quite artistic taste.

It was downright interpreted _gallantly_.

Louis ran his hand through his greasy brown locks of hair, closing his eyes as he delightedly listened to the seas of melodious pleasance, the crying violin perfectly doing it’s job to make him feel relaxed but mesmerized. Whatever his friends in his hometown always used to say about his passion for classical music, it was so extremely fascinating when it was played right and it truly knew how to give Louis autonomous sensory meridian response, tingles that triggered him, made him feel chilly from his scalp till his back.

He opened his eyes again, noticing an elf-a-like creature sitting in front of him, maybe based on his slightly quirky ears, his hair wrapped in a bath towel, wearing a way to big sweatshirt with black briefs underneath it, the violin under his chin leaning on his chest. The way he hold his bow was quite funny, a creative variation on the typical up stroke position - Louis did pay attention while being in class - but it looked comfortable nonetheless.

When Louis looked into the mirror, their eyes met and the boy turned around, abruptly ending the piece, his bow faced down at the ground.

“Hey.”

Louis gulped, looking into Harry’s emeralds. “Hi.”

“I’m sorry if I woke you up, I thought if I played softly you wouldn’t notice so-”

“N-no.. Don’t stop, it was beautiful I don’t mind.” Louis said, stumbling.

He could immediately see a slight blush coating Harry’s cheeks, probably because he felt honored, but his innocent smile told Louis enough to prove the fact that he did like the compliment.

“In all honesty, I’m surprised a party boy likes you is interested in classical music.” Harry said skeptically, as he rubbed his thumb against the golden frame of the string instrument.

Louis sat up straightly, crossing his arms. “Well in fact I love classical music. Something wrong with that?”

Harry shrugged, afterwards chuckling almost unintelligibly. “No, not in particularly. _Just_.. interesting, I mean.. How many times my friends have told me it’s noodle and softy to like classical music. Guess I’d expect tech music or something for the people who like going out.”

“I despise techno music,” Louis replied, scratching his head. “But alcohol makes lines between love and hate thinner. It truly makes you like everything you utterly dislike.”

Harry made a “ _huh_ ” sound, that sounded more vaguely than questioning, almost like he didn’t believe his words at all. He removed his towel, revealing his still wet, shortly cut dark brown hair that was parted in the middle and was a little shorter on the sides. If anything, Louis would’ve guessed he was straight out of a war movie.

He looked clean and healthy, _unlike_ him. What reminded him;

“Oh shit, I need to take a shower real quickly, I smell like cum.” Louis swore, his hands grabbing the blankets tightly as stood up and stretched one last time, obviously unaware of the fact that he was butt naked.

No underwear, _nothing_.

Though when the embarrassing fact crossed his mind, it surprised him that Harry didn’t seem to have a drastic change in expression at all, not like he was certainly impressed or shocked or whatever. _God damn Louis_ , you two soberly fucked, didn’t they know each other their bodies like.. better than anyone else did?

“You indeed smell like my cum, I can separate it from all of the cum I’ve ever smelled.” Harry just heartlessly implied, like it was no big deal nor close to sexual harassment.

“Oh damn, you’re dirty as hell sir. But this is not trying to convince me you’re fucking around if that was your intention.”

Harry again laughed, this time more of a scoffing fashion almost like he was making fun of Louis’ mentality. “Better take a shower, I’m not saying my cum smells good.”

“Stop..” Louis said mockingly, grabbing Harry’s fancy hair towel off the ground and covering his bottom part. “I get you like your cum, but in all honesty I’m going to be glad when this week is over because then I don’t have to swallow it anymore.”

“What even is this conversation?” Harry furrowed his eyebrows.

Louis walked towards the door of the bathroom, as his back was facing Harry he’d still managed to give a last glance and make eye contact.

“That’s for you to decide.”

*~*

 Today was a rainy day, and it was everything Louis disliked.

Even though they arrived right on time at the train station, after Louis had showered - to put it mildly - for an hour and even blow dried his hair, he just needed to stir abroad and his hair was already wet and greasy again thanks to the fuckfaces called raindrops. So yeah, when they finally hit the station, Louis was not in a good mood at all and just wanted to cry in a corner or something.

He could be just a little bit vain, to say the least.

Not like he was trying to impress someone or anything. There was not such a rubbish thing.

So their whole travelling through France journey continued, but it was more depressing and sorrowful than ever. The sky was suddenly the deepest grey color imaginable and the only thing that filled Louis’ earshot was the raindrops tapping on the window, silence filling the express.

Lacey and Niall had both fallen asleep, like some sort of old married couple, head against head, both drooling and snoring noisily. Harry and Louis were both awake, but both very separative. Louis was just staring out of the window, his head getting supported by his arm, leaning on his elbow.

If Niall and Lacey were tired, he wondered how hard their sex was last night. But in all honesty, Louis knew that they had a steady relationship - he didn’t know how though - and in a steady relationship sex wasn’t like the main thing, a main key, they weren’t all over each other when they were together and they could spend time without each other. They could’ve had a sexless night, but it was an inside joke, everything could’ve made them tired.

Unlike Louis, who had tried to quote “ _date_ ” people but always ended up being the one who could not handle the feeling of people leaving him. His relationships lasted just a few weeks and days because for him it was based on sex, he was all over this person and he started feeling pressured when he wasn’t with this person.

Overall, everyone left him in the end and that did make him pessimistic about his chances.

But on another note, everyone would leave eventually. However you looked at it, people lived and died, no one could be right beside you forever, that was all bullshit. Relationships and friendships were bullshit, that’s why he never tried to gain friends and only kept them for just a matter of time.

Niall would leave him some day too, but for now he just tried to avoid that topic.

He suddenly felt someone pull on his earphones, his face going into the opposite direction he was looking at just a second ago, again smelling the scent of expensive perfume.

“What are you listening to?” He heard Harry say, as he looked down at chin considering Harry was almost a foot taller than him. He put the earphones on, grabbed Louis mobile without asking and adjusted the volume.

He felt quite comfortable, didn’t he?

“Oh, isn’t this like..” Harry licked his lips. “It sounds quite corresponding with Bach’s way of composing.”

Louis nodded, a little annoyance readable in his expression as he grabbed his earphones back and put them in his own ears. “Yes, it’s this Fantasia piece I need to practice and finish next month.”

“You play?” Harry astonished, or better called Harry-who-couldn’t-take-a-hint since Louis thought it was very logical that he as an artist would join another pianist on such a journey, but never mind that again.

“Yes Sherlock, over about 15 years actually.” Louis groused, half-arsingly ignoring emerald green eyes boring into his scalp.

Harry smiled friendly. “So are you also going to-” Louis pouted and turned his face to his lap, a soft annoyed growl leaving his mouth. “Oh.”

Harry just replied awkwardly, at least he felt that it was not a good thing to talk about with Louis because afterwards he closed his mouth.

Thanks Harry for getting the hint, _once_.

Louis sighed, leaning more backwards in his chair. “I guess unfortunately I am not _good_ enough to perform or anything. I’ve been in this business longer than that fake ass blonde and still he’s the one who is like.. far beyond me.”

“Uhu.” Or something in that direction, was the sound Harry made to fill in the blank space.

The silence in the train returned, wind cutting like a knife. Louis bit his lip and returned to his music, Bach resounding in his ears. He closed his eyes and counted till four. Four beats, moderato, no specific dynamics written down. C, G, E-flat, consecutive pattern in G clef. C minor, what meant three flat keys, A, E and B. Louis played the song in his head, softly whispering the keys that would come.

_A, D, E flat, triplet D, E flat F. Triplet.._

Fuck, what was it again?

Louis bit his tongue, and just with his short temper he kicked the chair right in front of him, or differently interpreted; Niall Horan. Just when Niall woke up in shock, his whole body filled with stress and ready to attack Louis with inappropriate speech, a French voice echoed through the train, and even though it was completely in French and totally incomprehensible, both Harry, Louis and Niall jumped at the same time when they heard the word “ _Paris_ ”.

 _Finally_ , they could leave the train.

~*~

“Paris, motherfuckers!” Niall jumped on the sofa, afterwards falling down and collapsing on the couch. “ _Nous sommes de retour_.”

“I’m pretty sure you searched that on google translate before you left Germany to make it look like you’re intellectual.” Louis muttered incredulously. “Like, _du kannst immer nicht Deutsch sprechen_.”

“I’m getting a headache of that language, go a-waay!” Niall said pensive, covering his face in one of the bordeaux red pillows.

After the long, very tedious train journey, they’d finally arrived at their final destination. The four of them were staying at a big castle that used to be from a local king there back in the Middle Ages. Now, an older married couple lived there, and they invited Niall to play a recital and do a show on the birthday of their son. It was all this week, meaning the four of them would stay there for one and a half week.

The castle obviously had a very.. classic inspiration. Louis now understood why Niall was busy studying Mozart because the house was full paintings of the pianist and composer, combined with bookcases full with sheet music of the master, and - of course - the loud interpretation of Figaro sang through the hallways, the music coming out of the speakers that were riveted in almost every room. Niall and Lacey shared this huge room, with fantastic artworks of French painters, all framed with pure gold. In their room, they had the most spectacular, grand concert Steinway piano in black lacquer.

And Louis was again stuck with a small, kind of off-tune _Kawai_ piano that wasn’t tuned in probably.. a decade. For some reason the Japanese piano brands stuck with him, but it wasn’t like he was fond of them at all. In all these years, the only time Louis had touched a Steinway was when he was trying to buy a new piano at the age of ten, but his mother found it too expensive so instead he got a.. _Atjoli_ piano.. which was still the only Atjoli piano he’d ever seen in his entire life, did this brand even exist?

Of course, Louis felt the need to touch the Steinway piano, but Niall kept him away from the room for some reason. It wasn’t like Louis had ever.. smacked a piano so hard out of frustration that one of the strings in the piano broke.

Yes, he did that.. But it was just once!

They were now chilling in the huge living room, as the kitchen was open in the next one and they constantly heard the noises of clattering dishes, frying meat and rousing butter.

As Niall had claimed the whole sofa, and Lacey was obviously mocking on him again, Louis just sat down and stared through the huge, open window, looking at the neat and green backyard. His stomach still convulsed, almost like suddenly he could feel blood running down his leg, though this wasn’t some kind of cheesy gay novel where men truly experienced all the perks of being a woman, it still was real life; Louis couldn’t be on his period.

Yet he could imagine it feeling like this.

_To hell with woman._

“ _Bloody hell_ Niall, you’re a guest; don’t claim the sofa like it’s your property. Me and Harry also want to sit down.”

 _Bloody hell_ , great fucking timing Lacey.

“Come on babe,” Niall said and touched her shoulder. It didn’t matter how mean-spirited Louis was, Louis could see that he was most definitely twisted up. “I dragged you guys with me, this is an invitation for me. You guys don’t even belong here, I’m the star so I refuse equality.”

Louis still wondered why Harry was so.. chill. Legit, he didn’t bother him at all or tried to get lovey-dovey, nor did he act awkward or clingy, it sure was a good thing though because Louis hated the term awkward. They just had sex, next to that lived their own lives.

This could be a pretty chill week considerably.

Harry could get along with Lacey and Niall, Louis could too, so the situation was pretty rosy. Louis got his sex, didn’t have to do any explaining or hold any deep conversations, yeah, they did share a room together now, but it didn’t matter.

_Louis was happy with it._

“So, what if after lunch we go visit the Eiffel Tower or go to some romantic place?” Niall said, obviously licking feet by putting him arm around Lacey’s waist and kissing her neck.

Couples were disgusting.

“Sure, you and Lacey can go on a boat tour or something.” Harry said, with that genuine smile that kind of started to irritate Louis just a bit. Like.. it was too genuine to fully be a sign of respect.

“Oh, and what does that mean for us?” Louis said mockingly, looking indirectly at Harry through the mirror.

Harry chuckled. “I’m not going to third wheel all day long. We’re going to do something real fun.”

“Let me guess; painting our nails, going to a salon, getting a haircut, new clothes, buying make-up because we’re queers and we need to be stereotypical, that’s your idea?”

“I’d say we go visit the city, go to a museum-”

“Sure make it even gayer Stevens. Go ahead.” Louis interrupted.

“It’s Styles,” Harry answered ironically, “ _ahem_ ”-ing like he seriously felt offended and salty. “But yeah I mean museums make me look more intellectual which is always a good stamp.”

“Not when everyone in the fucking maison is trying to be intellectual which means-”

“Okay Tompson, we’re staying here and watch a Steven Spielberg movie.” Harry said quasi-annoyed.

Louis leaned backwards in his chair, licking his lips and rolling his eyes. “ _Close encounters to the third kind? Schindler’s List? The Extra-Terrestrial?_ ” He said, totally full of himself. “Tompson here is experienced, you can’t troll me or trying to be savage because I have brains even though it looks like I’m empty packaged.”

“Who is Steven Spielberg?” Niall obliviously asked, scratching his head.

Louis and Harry turned their heads at the same time, giving Niall the same confused and straggly glance.

“How do you not know who Steven Spielberg is?” The two shouted in unison, both on the same unbelieving tone.

“Niall where the hell have you been all your life?” Louis said faithlessly, hitting the blonde’s head. “John fucking Williams? The masterpieces he made for Steven Spielberg’s biggest movies?”

“Not to mention the depth that is put into his movies, even his old dated movies look so modern.” Harry continued Louis’ sentence, while Louis was still trying to slap sense into the Irish lad. “Have you been living under a rock?”

“I see some real _soul mate_ shit here.” Niall under his breath, with a sharp tone almost like he was mocking them.

Which, _he was_.

“Don’t try to talk your way out Whore-an.” Louis crossed his arms, still standing behind him he again couldn’t hold himself back and smacked Niall’s occiput. _Seriously_ , Niall was missing something.

In all honesty, Louis would love to go outside and explore all the alleys and big squares of Paris, but even though he tried to smile triumphant, his stomach still twisted and he didn’t feel like walking. Physically he was just not in the best state.

They would be here for almost two weeks, he had enough time to explore so being off one day was harmless.

Still.. The fact that Harry was the one suggesting them to stay home surprised him, he did seem like a typical tourist who’d love to take pictures of local food, monuments and whatever tourists nowadays wanted to do. Yet he used the third wheeling as an excuse to stay home. Which - obviously - was a bad reason to avoid some kind of activity.

Louis would’ve loved to see Harry go out with Niall and Lacey and him staying home for today, but unfortunately he had to be stuck with him again. It wasn’t like he hated Harry, they were cool, but he didn’t want to bond with people and these kind of situations left space for him to bond with people other than Niall and he was genuinely scared of that.

But that would’ve been the same with every person.

“Louis.. Are you coming with us?”

“Huh?”

Louis woke up from his daydream when he felt Niall’s blue irises boring into his, not even jokingly this time. Louis shook his head and bit his lip. “I don’t feel well, I think I stay home today because I am pretty tired from the whole fucking trip.”

“Yeah, you looked pretty ill yesterday when we were having-” Louis gave Harry a deadly glance that was as sharp as a knife. “Oh.” He answered to end the sentence, but unfortunately Niall the oblivious didn’t seem to get it at all. Probably the only thing where his oblivious behavior was actually good for.

“Oh well..” Niall said, as he walked towards the coat rack and grabbed his middle long, black jacket with the broken zipper and the big pockets. He put it on and coughed. “You don’t have to. I mean.. more private time for me and Lacey.”

“ _Perverted arsehole_.” Louis murmured and rolled with his eyes. After saying that, he suddenly felt an extreme heartburn, he made the sound like he was almost choking in his own spit and covered his mouth as fast as he could.

He burped, but could taste a very bitter, disgusting taste in his mouth, it tasted exactly like vomit. “Are you alright?” Lacey said, as she had put on one of her boots and rapidly walked towards Louis, with quite of a hopscotch. Louis waved with one hand, motioning that he was fine while still covering his mouth with his other hand.

Oh hell, his body wasn’t going to play that game with him. Throw the fuck up or don’t, don’t go in between and make Louis and his brain confused.

“I’m fine.” Louis said, almost inaudible because his hand was covering his mouth. “Don’t worry I’ll be fine on my own.”

“Are you sure?” Lacey said concerned, putting her cold hand on his forehead to feel if it was burning hot. It wasn’t, because Louis wasn’t coughing or anything, he didn’t have a cold.

Louis removed her hand. “Yes, I am. You two go and enjoy Paris while I am going to practice Bach again.”

“Louis, that’s not making me very happy to be honest.” Niall said. “If you’re sick then just go relax and indeed watch a movie with Harry or something. Practicing makes you even more exhausted.”

Louis looked at Harry, who genuinely smiled at him - what now was his basic fuckboy move, even though he wore flower patterned blouses - and inside he cried himself to sleep. On the outside, he just rolled his eyes and sighed. “Okay, fine. I will. If you promise me that I can play on your Steinway once I want to practice.”

“Request denied.” Niall said stoically, but still strict and direct.

Louis cursed all kinds of blasphemies, but in the end gave up and sighed again, was this getting some sort of standard thing?

“Okay, bye Whore-an.”

*~*

“I love the owners of this castle so much,” Harry cooed cheerfully as he lumped down on the couch, seven movie covers under his arms and with a bag of barbeque chips. Louis sat in a saggy position on the couch, his legs spread and his arms crossed, slightly wasted expression on his face.

“Look, they have so many great movies, ánd they have a stock of chips.” Harry said, while loudly opening the bag and putting his feet on the table closeby. Louis hugged a pillow and bite his tongue so hard he could taste the bitterness of his blood.

Harry looked at him through the corners of his eyes, while his hand went - with all the aggression - into the bag of chips.

“Need an aspirin?” He said caring, as he stopped with noisily grabbling, his green emeralds connecting with his blue ones, tender yet slightly concerned.

Louis pouted, looked down at his feet and didn’t reply. Indoors he used to never wear socks, yet right now he was staring at the thick, woolly socks he remembered his mother gave him for Christmas. Actually, she didn’t give them to him, but send them through a package. They didn’t really.. _talk_.

“Here.” Harry reached out, grabbing Louis hand and giving him a strip of paracetamols, their fingertips slightly touching.

Louis closed his hand, Harry’s fingers lightly touching his knuckles. “Thanks, but it’s not.. that.”

Harry just gave him the exact same Niall-the-oblivious look, and Louis couldn’t quite pinpoint if it was him mocking Niall or he was genuinely being an oblivious piece of shit at the time.

“So you faked being sick so you couldn’t go out with Niall and Lacey?”

Louis strained up immediately. “No of course not. I feel sick and have stomach aches and I feel like I am on my period but-”

“Then why don’t you take that fucking aspirin?” Harry said pressed with a fake smile, but immediately laughed afterwards when he saw Louis obviously looked shocked and intimidated. “Just kidding. Didn’t I just did a perfect impersonation of Niall, ha?”

“Ten out of ten, honey.” Louis said sarcastically, chuckling afterwards.

“Actually the real way to impersonate Niall is to say me instead of my in every sentence with that confusing accent of his.” Harry grabbed a hand full of barbecue flavored chips stuffed it all in his mouth. With loud mouth, he said: “Harry, you’re lovely but this is me room and me bed so you should shut the fuck up or I’ll rape you in your sleep, amen.”

Louis grinned. “Niall always with his threats while he says them so neutrally. How many times he has told me he would piss over my naked, dead body if I touched his piano.”

“How so?” Harry said laughing, again with his mouth full of chips. Damn, this man sure could eat.

Louis leaned back, also let his feet rest on the big, wooden table that stood just in the middle of the bank and the big high definition screen. He closed his eyes. “Lets say that one time I was practicing the Moonlight Sonata, of course part 3 because the other two are wááy too easy.”

“I don’t believe you.” Harry said quasi-skeptical but afterwards laughed it away.

“I wasn’t quite finished,” Louis said sassy. “Oh and fuck you. Continuing my story-”

“If you’ve never even done a recital I am sure you’re stuck on the first part which is basically only broken-”

“Shut the hell up, this is bullying. I was talking, don’t you dare to interrupt or I’ll Niall you.” Louis said flamboyant, putting his fake ghetto accent on and motioning with his hands. “So no seriously, I was practicing on Niall’s new piano when suddenly - as always - I lost my temper - can you imagine I do that? And so I.. boom.. special effect inserted.. broke one of the strings of the piano because I hit a key too hard because I was like… boom boom boom, ratatatata.. woossh, you know?”

Harry blinked twice, rapidly. “Yeah, so understandable.”

Louis frowned. “Don’t try to be savage. There can only be one savage and that’s moi so don’t you even dare try and reach my level.” Louis conceited. Harry laughed, stretched out his arm so Louis could also grab some of the chips, even though Harry had almost reached the bottom already in just a few minutes.

The house was quiet, the original owners were both giving Niall and Lacey a tour through the city while somewhere around the garden their two cats and their bulldog were trying to dig holes into the dirt and climb into trees.

A big house, way too much space for Louis. If he would live in such a house in loneliness, he would’ve ended his life soon after. Not to mention that castles creeped him out, if these buildings had old dungeons he couldn’t not think about the fact that some old, rotten skeletons were lying there and their ghosts would haunt him when he switched the lights off. This would be a perfect place to watch a horror movie and cry yourself to sleep to afterwards.

Still, it was beautiful.

“So,” Harry started, breaking the silence that was pretty tensionless. Louis turned his head, his mouth stuffed with chips. “You do seriously play huh?”

Louis nodded. “I go to the same university as Niall. You wouldn’t say it though, I know.”

“Do you guys know each other from there?” Harry asked Louis genuinely interested, but

Louis shook his head, his legs energetically dangling. “We’re from England - I mean obviously you notice since you seem to be too - and we went to the same middle school and high school.” Louis looked at his hands, with his nails he tried to get the dirt out of his other nails. “That little shit just randomly transferred, like mysteriously in the middle of the year. I hated people, so first I didn’t care.”

“But you two became friends right after?” Harry questioned.

“Well.. it gave me two scars on my forehead and a bruised wrist for a few weeks but.. Yeah you can say we became the best of friends.” Louis grabbed some chips, nostalgically his eyes started to light up. “Because of that whore I hit my head during gym, basically when we had one of those annoying swim lessons. Lost my consciousness, he saved me though and even gave me CPR.”

“And you as a gay man didn’t get a crush on him immediately?”

Harry laughed, but Louis’ truly seemed annoyed by him even considering that. “N-no! I mean you must be an idiot to fall for that in the first place. At the time I didn’t even know that and besides man and woman can also be friends, as a gay man I don’t have to be in love with all man I meet. In that case I must be very fucking desperate.” Louis grumbled defensively.

“It was just a joke, calm down.” Harry laughed, but Louis’ facial expression didn’t change; he was protective, maybe a little bit short-tempered but that was the _describe-Louis-in-one-word_. His responsiveness was incredible, but at the same time his proceedings could be very impulsive.

It probably was a family illness, metastases from generation to generation, just spread like cancer.

“Isn’t it funny how you’re the one who drowned first, and Niall is the one left with scars?” Harry asked, rumple the bag till only a wad of plastic remained. He threw it, like a baseball in the air, his emerald eyes shining brightly.

“You shouldn’t be asking me smart questions; I study music.” He said, monotonous, maybe with a little bit of the sardonic tone his voice always seemed to embrace.

Harry laughed. “Well.. me too.”

“I think I have drawn that conclusion ages ago since I am not that much of an oblivious freak.” Louis said. Harry nodded, and rubbed the plastic cover of one of the CD’s; Schindler’s List to be more exact, probably one of the most critically acclaimed World War 2 movies ever made in history. Louis had seen it multiple times, and it still made him genuinely feel emotions to this day. Maybe more because of the humanity shown in the film, just the fact that there still were genuine and good people walking on earth.

But it was a movie; an interpretation, it wasn’t like real life. Humanity in this world was just brought up mildly. Humans were sickening, not even behaving like their own breed should be. “

So, what you think? Want to watch it?” Harry asked him, pointing at the cover. He coughed, his hands playing with the plastic material. “I mean, we don’t have anything better to do, right?”

“Sure.” Louis said, hugging his pillow tightly because the room was still quite cold. “But,” he started. “No crying allowed, I don’t want you to be a pussy.”

Harry smiled, his white, naked teeth showing. “Okay, I won’t.”

*~*

“Louis, are you crying?”

“N-no.. you’re just imagining things.”

Harry rolled with his eyes, but smiled afterwards. “And you told me not to cry.”

“Fuck off, I am a man with balls I never cry.” Louis said teary eyes as he rubbed his eyes, afterwards sniffing his nose. “I just have a cold.”

Harry laughed, poking Louis softly in his stomach. Louis didn’t cry, his eyes were just sweating. “Don’t worry, I’ll not see you as a weakling. It’s okay to-”

“Stop saying that. I am not crying!” Louis shouted defensive, his flat hand hitting the arm of the couch. Afterwards, he seriously started tearing up and crying because his hand hurt, and Harry just scoffingly laughed at it.

Then, Harry _also_ started tearing up, but for all the different reasons. He buried his face in his head when he noticed tears of laughter were rolling down his face.

“You’re such an idiot.” He laughed, as his voice cracked. “Seriously, Louis.”

Louis grabbed his pillow and hit Harry with it as hard as he could. His eyes were puffy and his nose red and snotty. Basically, he looked like a mess. Because - as far as he denied it - he still cried through the whole movie.

When they violently stormed into the jews their houses and stole their properties, when Göth killed Helen even though he loved her, but one part always made him bawl his eyes out; Through the whole film, there was only one thing in color - considered it was a black and white film - what was a jewish girl in a red coat. She was shown throughout where she was put through all of the terror the Nazi’s put them through. She was symbolic, for everything that happened, how innocent people like her had to deal with unfaithful horror. And she was colored so it showed how this all affected the protagonist.

Then, in one scene, that same red coat was shown.. on a dead, burned body on a car, heading to a pyre. It just.. was a real reality check. Very in his face how real things had become.

“Louis, you’re fading away.” Harry’s low, hoarse voice said. He squeezed one of Louis cheeks and immediately Louis woke up from dreamland. As an impulse, he _auw_ -ed and hit Harry’s hand, almost like some karate move. Harry laughed again, Louis should count how many times he did that. Not like there was anything wrong with that.. it was just odd since Louis never laughed and Harry laughed all the fucking time.

“You’re drowning in your thoughts, I notice you do that quite often.” Harry mentioned, Louis could notice how the pupils in his eyes declined in size.

Louis wrapped his legs around his pillow, whipping back and forth on the sofa. “Don’t know, I do that all the time.”

Silence filled the room again like an empty glass, and the painful reality - as real as his stomach - hitted Louis till the point he feels like everything has one way out again; through his mouth. Harry certainly reacted quite impulsive as he heard Louis’ choke, but before he could even grab him tightly by his shoulders, Louis already waved with motioning hand gestures and brushed him off. “Don’t, I’m fine.”

“Why is it that you don’t want to take aspirines?” Harry recalled, but Louis didn’t answer him. He just coughed, and wrapped himself in a blanket that was spread on the sofa. Wrapped around him like a sushi roll, with his patterned pillow still between his thighs, he bounced on his place with all the energy in his body. Harry grinned softly, but Louis didn’t know why.

Probably was something he did quite often.

“So, it’s just eight. Want to still.. do something?”

Louis bit his lip playfully. “Don’t know, we can just sit here.. and.. eat the stock of chips.” He paused, what made Harry frown a bit. “Or we can.. go to our room and fuck?”

Harry squinted his eyes, probably just a little bit incomprehension. “But you’re sick and sad.”

Louis’ blue irises stared into his green emeralds, for some reason they seemed very quirky, not glazed or filled with a certain melancholy. “I don’t know what it is but.. I get very horny when I feel bad. Like last time I saw a mother duck getting eaten by a bird of prey, in front of her babies.. and all I could think about was how I wanted to suck a black-”

“Honestly, that’s very.. brutal.” Harry said disapprovingly. “Never mind I asked.”

“No I know it’s brutal,” Louis answered. “But when I saw it happening I was sad for a minute and then I felt like getting choked by some older man- okay.. okay I stop.”

Harry let a forced cough escape, in hope to change the subject just a bit, but Louis crawled over him and turned himself around till his nose almost touched Harry’s chin. His hands coming from underneath his blanket, wrapping around Harry’s back as he slightly shifts on his lap.

“What are you doing?” Harry asked, with a slightly sardonic undertone in his voice. Louis ignored it, as he turns his face and looks up at Harry, placing one of his hands on his cheek so that Harry is forced to look down. His face was close to Louis’, so close that Louis could feel his breath tingle and tease his lower lip. Funnily, he noticed how he had quite some funny moles spread around his face, and how he had just a little bit of hairs on his upper lip, just swarling there underneath his nose. It looked goofy and quirky, almost like he tried very desperately to grow out a full mustache.

When Harry wanted to lean in however, Louis covered his mouth with his forefinger and sussed him. “Remember the rule, these are private property.”

Harry let out a soft grin, Louis didn’t know if it was scoffingly or not. He let Louis shift and wrap his legs around his lower back, his head resting on his torso as Louis’ hand cupped Harry’s length through his pants. He felt the blood rushing through his veins, as he tried to inhale and exhale without going out of rhythm. Louis hand went inside of his sweatpants, trying to find Harry’s throbbing length and grabbing it with a circle of his fingers. Harry gulped audibly, as he leaned back and put his nails roughly into the fabric of the sofa. Louis rubbed with his thumb over his slit, making Harry moan in delight.

Louis smirked, as Harry huffed out something vague and unintelligible. Louis speeded up the pace while smiling into Harry’s blouse. “Close your eyes Harry.”

Harry bit his lower lip, but followed his instructions. Louis jerked harder and harder, his hands slowly becoming sweaty as he felt Harry’s dick getting harder each time Louis thrusted. Harry moaned, his hands placed on Louis back as he tugged the material of his shirt. Louis thrusted again, this time more forcefully and rough. Harry exhaled, stroking down Louis back.

As Louis wanted to pulled down Harry’s pants and briefs, Harry stopped him just when he reached his hips. Louis clenched his hands around his thick, toned hips, his eyes went from Harry’s V-line to staring into his emerald irises. As he sat down on his lap, his legs still wrapped around Harry’s bigger body, he saw Harry shaking his head disagreeing. “Not here on the expensive sofa, Louis.” He whispered, with his hoarse and low voice that turned Louis on way more than it should. He licked his lips, his hands gently trying to brush Louis’ away. “Let’s go upstairs.”

Louis tensed just a little bit, realising that his left hand, that was covered in cum, was touching the expensive fabric of the sofa the two were sitting on. He grinned a little anxious and then wiped his hand by rubbing it on his white plain T.

“Okay, fine. Let’s go upstairs.”

*~*

“Harry?”

“..Yeah?”

“Don’t you think classical music is kind of like, a reflection.. like a movie.. it’s an interpretation.. a told story that’s explicable in many different ways.”

“How so?”

“Like, who the hell told us you have to just.. play a composition a certain way? Some of these old, historical original compositions have minimalistic or even no dynamics written down whatsoever, and yet there are these authorities who don’t know anything about the original text yet they tell us how to play it. Music should be a form of interpretation, isn’t it pathetic some duffer tells us it’s meant to be interpreted in one way or else it is a disgrace towards the composer?”

Harry blinked twice, as he moved his legs under the blankets and his face was filled with confusement.

“Like for example, some people who came after the composer himself changed the sheet music to make it quote unquote “ _more descriptive and fitting for the upcoming time period_ ”, but because they changed it it’s not the original composition by the composer anymore, which means that if people say it’s disgraceful to play it any other way.. then that’s a lie because it’s not the original piece.. it had some touch ups by for God knows who. So if I play a piece, rhythm and note-wise just perfectly fine but I interpret the dynamics differently, then no one has the right to call me out on that because some of Bach’s music for example is so old that it’s impossible to know what the right way to play it is. Only thing that is right for sure is the notes and rhythm, but that’s it.” Louis paused, and frowned. “You get me, _right_?”

Harry coughed, rubbing his eyes tiresome. “The weird part is that I don’t _not_ get you, but I also don’t get what you’re saying.”

Louis let out a frustrated moan and covered his face in the pillow his head was resting on. “Okay, I get it I am weird and you don’t get me. Please just.. say that out loud, you’re not hurting my feelings.”

“It’s just.. we fucked and had rough sex and now you’re talking about classical music in a weirdly, philosophical way.” Harry turned, now laying on his right side and facing Louis, whose face was still covered in his pillow. Now, Louis also turned around in the bed, but weirdly he didn’t seem tired at all. He seemed very fresh, very _there_.

Harry gulped, as he saw Louis’ teal seas energetically sparkle, he didn’t know why; but they once didn’t look that.. stoic.

“You’re nice, you know?” He said.

Louis rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know. I should become a prostitute if I can’t become a musician. That’s like the thing everyone seems to agree I am good in.”

“No.. like,” Harry bit his lower lip. “You’re genuinely a nice person, I think… I don’t know, I barely know you.. but you seem.. faithful.”

Louis frowned, as he bit the insides of his cheeks. Yeah, obviously he _barely_ knew him. “I’m not nice, Harry.”

Harry smiled genuinely, then petted Louis’ hair like he was a dog. “Yes, you are. I think you just don’t see it yourself, that’s why you make other people believe otherwise.”

Louis pouted and slapped Harry’s hand away. “No, seriously.. stop that. I’m not that great, I have a sickening mind and make stupid decisions, I told you that from the beginning.”

“Louis, that’s not called being a bad person.” Harry smiled genuinely. “It’s called being humanly. We all.. do that.”

Louis groaned slightly frustrated and covered his face in his pillow again. He screamed into it, but instead of getting the understanding he needed, Harry just mocked him by laughing.

“Whatever, I am going to sleep.”

Louis hit Harry on his naked shoulder. Harry hissed like a snake, while Louis turned to his back and crossed his arms. “No, you’re going to listen to me rant about this world and there is nothing you can do about.”

Harry rolled with his eyes, yet smiled afterwards and tried to come across as genuinely interested. He let his face rest on his hands, while lying on his side.

Louis looked at him from the corners of his eyes, slightly squinting his eyes in a cynical way. “What?” He said defensively.

Harry laughed softly. “I’m listening. Tell me your “ _rants about this world_ ” If you can.”

“Well..” Louis muttered, as he tried to lay down more comfortably. Their eyes connected, and for some reason Harry’s irises had something mesmerizing that kept Louis hooked, unable to break the eye contact. “It’s that.. Okay so a question; why has no one, ever considered this; what I am seeing right now, everything I am experiencing around me, what if.. it’s all like an illusion?”

“An illusion, _huh_?” Harry said, as he played with one of the folds of the blankets.

“Yes, yes exactly.” Louis said driven. “Like this is all just manipulation, what if in fact I am dead.. and.. and this is all a retrospect of what my life was like. Maybe all of this has already happened, or.. maybe this is how my life could have been if I was still alive. There is no proof that this all is not an illusion.”

“But if this is what already happened, that means that you already knew this theory when you were still alive, correct?”

Louis frowned thoughtful. “So that means that history would be repeating itself, and that when I was alive I already thought I was actually dead and just hallucinating, so in theory that must mean that it’s impossible.”

Harry laughed. “Again it’s really weird, I get you but at the same time I don’t.”

“No.. no Harry you’re right. You’re so smart and right oh god, thank you I realised that it’s impossible now.” Louis grabbed Harry’s hands volatile and pressed them together. “Really, thanks.”

“Wait, you were not just.. saying something totally at random?” Harry questioned, furrowing his eyebrows.

Louis blinked twice, then he let go of Harry’s hands as soon as he noticed he almost grabbed them impulsively and rolled his eyes. “No, I was being serious. I’ve thought about this conspiracy theory for multiple years, I am not joking.”

“But.. wouldn’t it be like.. kind of.. depressing if you would go through your life for the second time?” The pupils of Louis’ eyes increased in size, as Harry spoke with such a tenseness in his voice.

“I think it would, yeah.” Louis said laconically, shifting his leg and feeling his skin touch Harry’s. Harry’s leg felt very warm - what was not a huge fucking mystery - and for some reason Louis didn’t move his. He had always liked the feeling of skin touching.

“Think about how you would be confronted with all the horrible mistakes that you’ve made in your life.” Harry said stoically, maybe because he was pretty serious for once it sounded that way; Louis didn’t know. “But also you’re remembered of the great times you had.. and you know that you could never.. ever get those times back. That’s.. quite depressing.. if I say so myself.”

“Oh wow.” Harry was indeed right, that was _actually_ depressing.

Louis closed his eyes. “Death on it’s own is overall just something that’s just unfathomable, you know?” He turned his head clockwise, their faces still oddly close to each other, their eyes connected. “I mean, who made the rules? When are you considered dead? And yes.. I get it that when you’re heart stops beating and yada yada. But.. I think your soul just can’t.. die. I think that, they just bury your body with your living soul in it and.. where will it go to? Will it be trapped in dirt there.. underground.. forever?”

“If you believe in reincarnation you might get an answer on that.”

Louis tensed. “Do I really, Harry? Then I believe in something, but that doesn’t give me an answer until I really die. Then I can understand what happens, or maybe.. I can’t even understand.. because nothing will happen.”

Harry gently touched Louis’ shoulder. “ _Chill_.. you’re alive, you don’t have to know any of this. Just.. live and when you die you’ll find out.”

Louis shook his head stubbornly and bit his lower lip. “I’m sorry, but my brain can’t function normally without me getting an answer.” Harry laughed, but Louis was - again - very serious about the conversation. “Like why does God keep this exactly a mystery that is unsolvable for living people? Is it because we all turn into.. some sort of sex slaves after death, but he just wants to keep his.. virgin imago.”

“Louis.. _Maria_ is the virgin.” Harry corrected him.

“Yeah right.. I am not religious my friend, I am sorry I don’t know all _that_ shit.” Fucking Harry Styles with his contagious smile. Just the way he got these crinkles by his eyes, these little dimples in his cheeks.

Louis didn’t like any of it, or something.

“You know what, whatever. Good night.” Louis muttered slightly irritated. That, while his cheeks were coated red. He turned his back to Harry, making the blankets cover his lips.

“Yeah, sweet dreams.” He heard Harry say, but he couldn’t hear it clearly due to Harry making a lot of noise as he moved significantly closer to Louis’ side. Louis felt his shoulders getting weaker, especially when he felt Harry’s leg slowly brushing against his, probably on purpose because; Louis was _not_ oblivious.

Then, he impulsively smiled into the blanket; and he didn’t know _why_ he did that.

He ignored it afterwards, that didn’t happen. Louis didn’t… feel happy at all that Harry seemed to try and make contact with him. He really didn’t.

 _None_.

 

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**FIND THE MUSIC MENTIONED[HERE](http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLVz0vFMwlWypLfMOCzDH6WxXQb_wBcRrx)**


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